


Shadows II: Unveiling

by Teland



Series: Shadows of Better Men [2]
Category: The X-Files
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 1998-11-20
Updated: 1998-11-20
Packaged: 2020-12-07 11:00:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,734
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20974811
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Teland/pseuds/Teland
Summary: "You bought a mask, I put it onYou never thought to ask meIf I wear it when you're gone..."





	Shadows II: Unveiling

**Author's Note:**

> Many thanks to Cynthia and Rye for beta -- and I do believe I can *smell* Dawn Sharon's hands on this story all these years later. She always did excel at getting me to dig deeper.

The warehouse was cool, and had the subtle echo of those   
places recently denuded of incriminating evidence. It felt   
like home, though his apartment remained curiously full of   
Alex's scent and presence, passage of weeks or no. Alex's   
shoulder was warm and solid under his hand, and while it   
was right and practical to hold on tight...

Mulder spun Alex around to face him, careful to keep his   
gun aimed squarely at the other man's temple. It hadn't   
been especially difficult to find Alex, surprisingly   
enough. Apparently the man's "business" demanded he stay in   
the   
area.

It would certainly explain the relative frequency of their   
encounters in the few months they'd been... together.

"What the fuck do you want, Mulder?"

"Just explain something to me, Krycek, in case there's a   
next time: whom exactly did you think you were fucking,   
and why? I like my scripts to be clear."

"There won't be a next time."

"Then satisfy my curiosity. I'm very, very interested in   
your answer."

Alex knocked the gun away and practically spat his words.   
"Get used to disappointment, asshole."

Mulder laughed, and couldn't bring himself to care about   
the darkness in it. "Oh, I am, Alex. I am."

Alex leaned casually against the wall; made no motions   
toward leaving. "So? Why are you here, Mulder?"

Mulder carefully holstered his gun and considered the   
question. Really, there were a lot of ways to answer, and   
he briefly contemplated giving all of them. After all,   
coming after Alex had already done more than he'd ever   
believed possible to crush out the last dying whimpers of   
pride. 

"I want to know."

"You want this, you want that. Did it ever occur to you   
that what you want is meaningless?"

"Are you even talking to me at all?"

"Yeah, I think I am. You're used to being the damned   
victim, Mulder. And yet it never fucking stops you from   
lashing out. Or maybe it's the reason why --"

"Wait a minute, wait a minute. Do you honestly believe you   
have a right to be the hurt one here? What fucking planet   
do you *live* on, Alex?"

Alex didn't speak, though his eyes burned in that way   
Mulder had come to believe meant he wished to. Perhaps it   
*was* unfair to put Alex in a position where in order to   
win an argument he had to, Lord protect us, talk about his   
feelings, but Mulder just didn't give a damn.

"How 'bout it, *Alex*? Tell me how I hurt you. What ever   
did I do to break your fragile little heart?"

Alex snorted. "You give yourself an awful lot of credit for   
someone who'd stalk me just to have a fucking *lover's   
spat*."

"Ah, but that's just it. We were never lovers at all. I   
thought we were--"

"No one pays you to think."

"Fuck you, Alex. You can't have it both ways. Were we   
lovers or not?"

"I'm not the one who suggested I find myself another   
whore."

"No, you weren't. And I'm not the one who decided that the   
best way to handle an imperfect relationship was to "fix"   
the other person."

"No? I have to admit, I never got tired of your lovely   
little passive-aggressive moues of disapproval each time I   
left."

Mulder managed to restrain the urge to roll his eyes.   
"Forgive me, but I find it hard to believe that you were   
just going on bagel runs."

Alex pushed off the wall with one booted heel and stepped  
closer, raking Mulder from toe to head in an ostentatious   
display of contempt. 

"And if I wasn't?"

"How could you even *fantasize* that I'd react well to your   
'day job?'"

"Gee, I dunno, Mulder, maybe it was the 'Oh, God, Alex   
fuck me please--'"

"Just because I want your cock doesn't mean I have to   
approve of what the rest of you does."

"And just because I like your ass is no reason to assume   
that I get off on abuse."

"You wouldn't know abuse if I punched you in the face."

"And here we go. Newsflash, Mulder: That was always your   
favored brand of foreplay."

Mulder waved the last off. "What the fuck do you mean, 'and   
here we go'? Here we go, what?"

Alex pulled back and seemed to be taking his measure by   
his gaze. "Do you really have to ask?"

"Yeah, I do. I'm slow. Enlighten me."

Alex's mouth tightened, and he somehow gave the impression  
of pulling back further still, though his body never moved   
from Mulder's space.

"You really find it hard to believe that anyone ever   
suffered like you, don't you? Oh, you pride yourself on   
wringing your hands at the fate of others, but it's all   
just victim's ego, isn't that right?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Let me put it another way. 'Oh, of course I know your   
pain. I've lost someone dear to me too. Of course, the   
circumstances were far, far different -- kindly interpret   
that as *worse* -- but still, I feel your pain.' Does that   
sound familiar?"

"You sonofabitch."

"Yeah, well, I'm not the one who wanted to have this little   
talk, now am I?"

Mulder shook his head in disbelief, and Alex turned to walk   
away.

"You honestly can't see yourself in that at all, can you?"

Alex paused at the door, and the oddity of only being able   
to see one fist clench and unclench struck Mulder for a   
moment. Was this where he was supposed to think about all   
Alex had suffered, and so excuse him? The idea had its   
temptations, but this was neither the time nor the place   
for granting quarter. 

"You can't, can you?"

"You want to point out my faults, go ahead. I'm listening."

"How noble of you."

"Do it or don't, fucker. I don't have time for your   
oh-so-entertaining sudden realizations about my character."

"Look at me."

Alex cocked his head for a moment, and Mulder could see the  
sarcastically quizzical expression on his face long before   
he turned. 

"I'm looking."

Mulder was abruptly unsure what his reasons had been for  
the request. He feared it had far too much to do with a   
last-ditch desire to have Alex crumble at his expression.   
Some cinematic moment of realization and forgiveness,   
perhaps followed by a tearful kiss. Alex, as could only be   
expected, didn't seem to share his enthusiasm for the idea.

"You... you tried to *change* me, Alex. And when it didn't   
work the way you wanted it to, you walked out. Just   
like --" Mulder cut himself off ruthlessly and tried to   
regroup. "Does it bother you in the least? Have you ever   
woken up to find out you weren't the one being ma -- being   
fucked at all?"

Alex didn't respond at first, and the silence stretched   
uneasily. Mulder briefly reconsidered the simplicity of   
physical violence.

"So what does this have to do with your massive case of   
victim's ego?"

Mulder threw his hands in the air, but the wish to believe   
Alex was just striking out was too powerful to ignore.

"You want to play that way? Fine. Let's just try to   
remember I'm not the only one with rules, shall we?" 

"Answer the question or let me leave, Mulder."

"Let you..." The thought was incomprehensible and Mulder   
shook himself out of it. "You say I'm utterly immune to the   
idea that people can hurt. Well, isn't that what you   
wanted? Never mind, don't bother to answer. Just tell me   
how that's so different from you getting pissed at me for   
reacting badly to your subtle brand of personality   
readjustment."

Alex's eyes narrowed, and the effect was somehow a lot   
more... vivid... than any of the winces and cries when he'd   
just hit the man. There was satisfaction to that, and far   
too much sadness. 

"It's because you see me as flawed, right? You were just   
trying to make me *better*, and how dare I strike out at   
you for that? You were trying to do right by me."

The other man's gaze went distant, and he seemed to be   
arguing with himself about something. 

"I don't know, Alex... I think my component parts are just   
a little too used for that sort of thing. You need... you   
need to start fresh." The gentleness in his own voice was   
not enough of a surprise.

Alex shook his head fiercely, and began to pace. Mulder   
wondered if anything else needed to be said at all. 

"I don't know... I don't know why I ever thought it would   
be a good idea to fuck around with someone like you."

Mulder couldn't hold back a wince, but Alex wasn't looking   
at him. 

"This... we... Christ, you make it sound like I was trying   
to Build the Better Lover, Mulder."

"Weren't you?"

Alex stopped his pace with a harsh whispering scrape of   
bootheels on dusty concrete, turned to look at him with a   
strengthening ghost of a wry grin. "Weren't we both?" 

It was as much of an admission or apology as Mulder was   
ever likely to get out of the other man, and the whisper of   
"I'll take it" in his mind was both shameful and   
inescapable. 

"I never wanted... I wanted *you*, Alex. I didn't mean what   
I said. It's not... it was never just the sex."

Mulder watched the humor die on Alex's face, and tried to   
make himself believe that some good could come of this   
understanding.

"I don't know if it was just the idea of having someone...   
someone enough like me that I could... could just fucking   
*relax* or not."

"I know." 

"Shit."

Mulder laughed, smiled. Wondered when he'd ever gotten to   
be the tragic hero. It was stupid, it was cliched and   
painful. And it was too much like fate. "Yeah, my thoughts   
exactly."

Alex looked as though he wanted to comfort him, and Mulder   
made a conscious effort to pull himself up straighter,   
tighten his expression.

"So... so what is this, Mulder? What am I supposed to do   
now?"

You wanted to leave, so get the fuck out of here. "I don't   
have a fucking clue."

Mulder shook himself one last time, and started to walk to   
the door. He felt himself pause as he passed Alex, perhaps   
for a kiss, but then realized his feet were still moving.   
He felt Alex's eyes on his back, but did not turn to see if   
that, too, was an illusion.

~~~~  
End.  
~~~~


End file.
